So have you ever been so close to death that you saw a light, or even just had a feeling you were close to the end of your life as you know it? Yeah well, me neither! However, I have always tried to live my life one day at a time, although there have been times where the world swept me off this track, sometimes for years at a time. This has been my general philosophy about life though. Today's note isn't so much about my life as it is about my philisophical ideation as to why we live in such an entitled world today. Take it or leave it, these are my beleifs and I hope that you may be able to take something away from my post today!
If I had a dime for every time I have heard," Well I don't think that God expects us to completely uproot our lives, as long as we are doing what is right!" I would be a very rich man today. The simple fact is that he does. After all, I have a hard time believing that God doesn't have a problem with us living in a $200,000 house, when there are not only people, but children who wonder where there next meal is coming from. Agree or disagree, how many people would have the faith to sacrifice their child, as God asked Abraham to do? So my thinking is, that if God expects us to sacrifice our children for him, why wouldn't he expect us to sacrifice our luxuries for him? I have been at the low where I had no place to stay, although I was fortunate to have a vehicle to shelter me. Granted this was my own doing, however, I wouldn't have traded this experience for anything. You see, when life has you that low the world takes on a whole different perspective. Things are revealed that would not have otherwise have been revealed to you had you not been able to look up from the bottom of the barrel. This is why I sometimes have to bite my tongue, although thinking about it maybe I shouldn't, when people say they deserve something!
I think, in America especially, we have become a world of people that expect God to do things from us, rather than wondering what we can do to show God our appreciation for what he has already done for us, even if we are living in a car! There are probably going to be some feathers ruffled over what I have to say next, however, it is my true conviction and I feel like it needs to be said. When I was younger I remember when the church switched from their "Hell, fire, and brimstone" teaching to preaching the "Good News", and I do not necessarily think that was a bad thing. I do feel as if along the field of time it has lost it's balance though. We seem to only teach of what God is going to do for us, and try to steer away from teaching us as believers our many responsibilities. This I believe is the reason we feel entitled to so much from God. After all, how many times do you here of preachers telling how if you only have faith you can live debt free, and live the good life God intended. I don't think I have heard of any preachers lately teaching if you only have faith, God will take care of you, if you only obey him and give away all your posessions, or God will take care of you if you take your family from your comfort zone and move to Africa to feed the needy. It is no wonder there are so many Christians today, if they can get all of this and do nothing in return who wouldn't sign up for that gig?
I completely understand that I am no where near the point I need to be in my walk with God, I just can't help but wonder how many more aren't either, but don't realize it because of the twisted truth they have been fed. I hope you do not read this and take it as a sign from God to move to Africa, in my opinion that isn't his call for everyone. My simple hope for those who read this post is to question if they would have the faith to do so if God asked them to. I know it would be hard for me, probably more because of the concern for my family more than anything, it makes it extremely evident why Paul said it is better to remain single. It definitely does make following God's will a lot easier of a decision! I hope no one took offense to this post, it was merely intended to make you think about what a relationship with God is really about. May you have a light heart, and God's richest blessings!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I am not worthy!
I come to you this evening in great humility and amazement for how wonderful God's grace truly is. After everything I have been through in my life, the one thing I have always wanted was a family who I could love as much as they loved me. I married the first time knowing full well it did not have God's blessing, after all it didn't even have my family's! God brought me to the point in my life where I had come to the realization that if I was ever going to be happy with ANYONE, I had to be happy without anyone. After many years of working on this, and many years failing at this, I had finally made it to that milestone. I had been content with being single for about a year and a half when I met my future wife. We hadn't really shown any interest in each other, other than a friendly smile in passing at our workplace. However, it is my sincere belief that God brought us together. We had worked together for about eight or nine months, and she asked me if I wanted to go to a college reunion with her, it was simply a few of her closest classmates getting together for an evening of "catching up". I agreed to meet her in Joplin, and go there with her. The rest of the story wrote itself!
Although we hit it off good from the beginning, she knew I was the "one" for her when she invited me over for supper, and her oldest threw up on my shoes. My response was simply,"Do you have a mop?" However, even though I believe God joined us, we were not always on his path. Neither of us were churchgoers when we met, although we did profess Christianity as our faith. We moved in together after just a few short weeks of dating, which did not please my family at all, however, they were almost numb to those type of actions by me at that point. We would go out to clubs and parties, and really feel no guilt over doing so. During our first few months together, we lived in a rental house in Republic, and had very reasonable rent. However, since we could not stand to be apart, we would both call in quite a bit, and "offer" to go home early. Needless to say this caused quite a financial strain on us, and we ended up moving to a trailer park in Webb City to "save up" some money. We had been together about a year when we decided to go to Eureka Springs and get married. We got married on the 23rd of September and it was was one of the happiest times in my life. However, our total disregard for God in our lives was getting ready to be repaid.
The following Tuesday she was in a bad car wreck, thankfully she didn't require any hospitalization, aside from the normal check up. The next few months that followed she started having seizures, which had been controlled by medicine at that point. As time went on, the frequency, duration, and intensity of her seizures increased. They were simply not able to be explained or treated. She ended up being of work for two years, and luckily after a couple of LONG months she began receiving disability pay from her work. We had decided that this was as good as she was going to get. We were able to move back to Republic, and at the same time take over our parents house payment to give us something we were paying on, and help the burden of some of their financial strain. Shortly after, her mom who had been sick for years, passed away. Her father came to stay with us, and Marsha was slipping into a feeling of numbness.She had provided for her family for years, and was extremely intelligent, and as the days went by her memory progressively got worse. We were able to find a Dr. in Springfield who was willing to give her an implant would shock her vagal nerve, and send the electrical current to her brain in order to disrupt the seizure activity. Within a couple of months she was able to go back to work full time, and regain her self-worth.
None of this would have been possible without God, so we decided to find a church home. Although we were still paycheck to paycheck, bills were getting paid, though I am wasn't sure how! We started developing our walk with God and the blessings kept pouring in. She decided to go back to school to become a Physician's Assistant, and still work full time. We started receiving checks we were not expecting, along with school refunds, and were able to help others that were in need. I have no doubt that she will make it through school, and no doubt that we were brought to each other. We have a trust in each other I never thought was possible, and believe she is God's single tool for keeping me so emotionally stable. I don't deserve to be loved by her or our kids as unconditionally as I am, but am not surprised by it either. Had it not been for God's divine intervention in our lives, I shutter to think where we would be. I thank him every night for the many undeserving blessings he has brought into my........our lives. That is why I say, "May you have a light heart, and God's richest blessings!"
Although we hit it off good from the beginning, she knew I was the "one" for her when she invited me over for supper, and her oldest threw up on my shoes. My response was simply,"Do you have a mop?" However, even though I believe God joined us, we were not always on his path. Neither of us were churchgoers when we met, although we did profess Christianity as our faith. We moved in together after just a few short weeks of dating, which did not please my family at all, however, they were almost numb to those type of actions by me at that point. We would go out to clubs and parties, and really feel no guilt over doing so. During our first few months together, we lived in a rental house in Republic, and had very reasonable rent. However, since we could not stand to be apart, we would both call in quite a bit, and "offer" to go home early. Needless to say this caused quite a financial strain on us, and we ended up moving to a trailer park in Webb City to "save up" some money. We had been together about a year when we decided to go to Eureka Springs and get married. We got married on the 23rd of September and it was was one of the happiest times in my life. However, our total disregard for God in our lives was getting ready to be repaid.
The following Tuesday she was in a bad car wreck, thankfully she didn't require any hospitalization, aside from the normal check up. The next few months that followed she started having seizures, which had been controlled by medicine at that point. As time went on, the frequency, duration, and intensity of her seizures increased. They were simply not able to be explained or treated. She ended up being of work for two years, and luckily after a couple of LONG months she began receiving disability pay from her work. We had decided that this was as good as she was going to get. We were able to move back to Republic, and at the same time take over our parents house payment to give us something we were paying on, and help the burden of some of their financial strain. Shortly after, her mom who had been sick for years, passed away. Her father came to stay with us, and Marsha was slipping into a feeling of numbness.She had provided for her family for years, and was extremely intelligent, and as the days went by her memory progressively got worse. We were able to find a Dr. in Springfield who was willing to give her an implant would shock her vagal nerve, and send the electrical current to her brain in order to disrupt the seizure activity. Within a couple of months she was able to go back to work full time, and regain her self-worth.
None of this would have been possible without God, so we decided to find a church home. Although we were still paycheck to paycheck, bills were getting paid, though I am wasn't sure how! We started developing our walk with God and the blessings kept pouring in. She decided to go back to school to become a Physician's Assistant, and still work full time. We started receiving checks we were not expecting, along with school refunds, and were able to help others that were in need. I have no doubt that she will make it through school, and no doubt that we were brought to each other. We have a trust in each other I never thought was possible, and believe she is God's single tool for keeping me so emotionally stable. I don't deserve to be loved by her or our kids as unconditionally as I am, but am not surprised by it either. Had it not been for God's divine intervention in our lives, I shutter to think where we would be. I thank him every night for the many undeserving blessings he has brought into my........our lives. That is why I say, "May you have a light heart, and God's richest blessings!"
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Life
You know those times when you do something, and then kick yourself for doing it later? Well, I am hoping this is NOT one of those times! It seems like everyone has a story each unique, yet all the same. The title of the story is......Life. We have good days and we have bad days, and there are even some great days in there, though rarely for most. Well herein begins my story, and my life!
I sit before you today jobless, but not hopeless. December 25th, 2009 I quit my job for a rather bizarre reason...... my family. My wife is working full time and going to school full time to try to better our lives, so, of course, I felt it my duty to quit my job! I was a driver for a medical supply company, made decent money for our area, and began questioning my purpose between those miles. I came to the conclusion that we were in some sort of a circle, where we work more, to spend more, to work more. The next beacon of truth that came upon me was the fact that we had a 14 year old boy with Autism(Asperger's Syndrome), an 11 year old girl who, quite frankly, is a ball of emotions anyway, another 11 year old girl who has not been allowed to be part of my life(but that's a whole other blog,) and a 9 year old boy with ADHD. Yet,we were letting them grow up without us to be viewed as "socially stable". I can tell you that not all agree with this decision, however; it was not one that was made for all. It seems as if being misunderstood is my greatest talent. I am actively looking for employment which meet our family's demands, and plan to start nursing school in the fall,(this will help out whenever my wife is in her last year of the PA program and can't work.) I am hoping that this blog will give those close to me understanding into my thoughts and actions, those not so close to me an insight into how a bi-polar mind can be stable and happy, and make others happy without any sort of treatment. Do not misunderstand, there are those who need a treatment plan, and the day may come when I am amongst that group. I am truly blessed to know that at this time my kids, my wife, and my God keep me productive and stable, though not without a lot of conscious effort. Most of all, this is to show my wife what a difference she has made in my life! I love you Marsha, and I will post for the rest of you, a different chapter from my story every blog. May you have a light heart, and God's richest blessings!
I sit before you today jobless, but not hopeless. December 25th, 2009 I quit my job for a rather bizarre reason...... my family. My wife is working full time and going to school full time to try to better our lives, so, of course, I felt it my duty to quit my job! I was a driver for a medical supply company, made decent money for our area, and began questioning my purpose between those miles. I came to the conclusion that we were in some sort of a circle, where we work more, to spend more, to work more. The next beacon of truth that came upon me was the fact that we had a 14 year old boy with Autism(Asperger's Syndrome), an 11 year old girl who, quite frankly, is a ball of emotions anyway, another 11 year old girl who has not been allowed to be part of my life(but that's a whole other blog,) and a 9 year old boy with ADHD. Yet,we were letting them grow up without us to be viewed as "socially stable". I can tell you that not all agree with this decision, however; it was not one that was made for all. It seems as if being misunderstood is my greatest talent. I am actively looking for employment which meet our family's demands, and plan to start nursing school in the fall,(this will help out whenever my wife is in her last year of the PA program and can't work.) I am hoping that this blog will give those close to me understanding into my thoughts and actions, those not so close to me an insight into how a bi-polar mind can be stable and happy, and make others happy without any sort of treatment. Do not misunderstand, there are those who need a treatment plan, and the day may come when I am amongst that group. I am truly blessed to know that at this time my kids, my wife, and my God keep me productive and stable, though not without a lot of conscious effort. Most of all, this is to show my wife what a difference she has made in my life! I love you Marsha, and I will post for the rest of you, a different chapter from my story every blog. May you have a light heart, and God's richest blessings!
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